IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! (Except it's not)

Christmas starts early in the Monkey House. Yes, it starts in January. I purchased most of the Christmas presents I will be giving next year, online, about two days before Christmas, in the sales. I appreciate that makes me sound somewhere between seriously odd and seriously prepared...probably a little of both is the truth. I do this for two reasons, firstly to save a little cash and secondly, by the time next Christmas comes around, I will have forgotten what I have bought and opening the presents will come as a complete and pleasant surprise. I do confess to buying myself the odd treat or two, that way I actually have stuff to unwrap. My beloved Monkey Boys have little spare cash lying around to spend on presents for their old mother...no matter how many hints I may give them!

Feeling festive yet?

So what better way to spend a miserable, wet weekend in January than wrapping Christmas presents and finishing off all of those surplus Chrimbley victuals. There are always surplus goodies. I always seem to get a little carried away when faced with all of the lovely food that surfaces in the supermarket aisles. And so I find myself with a bucket full of walnuts and a fridge full of smelly cheese. Everything else is tucked away in the freezer, awaiting guests, so that we can indulge.

I always find these two months after Christmas a bit of a drag. All of the sparkle and jazz has disappeared, the days are still short and gloomy. The blossoms have yet to flower and the trees are bare and skeletal. There is no snow to look forward to down here, in the soggy, warm bit of the country and crisp, frosty days are as rare as pigs in blankets on a vegetarian's dinner plate. One of the benefits of this warm, damp weather, is that we tend to be about four weeks earlier into spring than the rest of the country. This means that the early bulbs are already in flower...although I have little desire to poke my nose out of the front door to see them. Little helped by the reluctance of our elderly pooch to indulge in a demeaning pastime, such as walking. I know how she feels! Today is all manner of soggy. We shall soon be battening down the hatches as storm Doris races in from the Atlantic. Whilst I have no issue with naming storms (eldest Monkey Boy will be seeing his name across the telly if we get a few more winter hoolies this year), Doris seems a step into the bizarre. Certainly not a name I would associate with hurricane strength winds, although I suppose Doris Day did sing about The Windy City in Calamity Jane. Sometimes I despair of the British public and their choices. Talking of which, it's the Article 50 debate in parliament this week...

Do not get me started on the Brexit debate...oh, you have! Without wishing to alienate folks, I am a remainer and resolutely European. From an entirely selfish point of view, I am not best pleased to lose my EU citizenship and all of the benefits that entails. I have got over my anger towards the Brexiteers (except the ones who 'did it to stick it to the government'. Well, that taught them, didn't it? Twats!) but am furious at our politicians for getting us into this mess in the first pace, for not thinking of how this would apply constitutionally and for not having any sort of plan that would have informed our choices. Oh, and for deciding to go for the 'hard Brexit' option (seriously, Mr Corbyn, what are you thinking of, supporting this nonsense? This is siding with UKrap for crying out loud!! I am really hoping you have a cunning plan...).

Right, changing the subject, I have to stop now before I go on a full on political rampage...I have washing to do, shopping to put away and presents to wrap! And at some point, I am going to have to brave the weather and put the bins and recycling out. If only spring was just around the corner!

And she's back in the room...

After a hiatus of several months...well...years I believe, Ms Monkey is back with her irreverent views on life and all that shizzle.

And so a quick review of what's been happening in the last year...and what a year it has been. There have been some amazing highs and some quite unbelievable lows. But, let's put those miserable bits aside and look at some of the fabulous highlights. The main highlight is that I ain't dead yet! Bits of me still keep breaking down but that's par for the course really. If our robot overlords ever do privatise our beloved NHS, I should be a shoe in for shares under a frequent flyer scheme! More trouble with my eyes, daily migraines and a bladder trying to jump ship for pastures new! But apart from that I am in rude health (that just means that I swear about my aches and pains a lot more). I have made some concessions to my advancing years; cut down my sugar, cut down my caffeine and taken up more exercise. Now that sounds a lot healthier than it actually is, I still have a cup of tea of a morning and if someone dangles the temptation of a cuba libre, or some other cola based cocktail under my nose, then I'm not going to say no...caffeine and sugar: divine decadence!

As for the exercise, well, the dog walking is non-existent these days. Lolli is decidedly ancient now and is not exactly enthusiastic when it comes to leaving the house. This includes leaving the house to use the facilities, as it were. The other day she peed on the damn sofa (thank goth for washable covers!) and I now have a mop on permanent standby. When she does go out, she point blank refuses to go on the grass (what old lady wants soggy feet?) and so our back passageway has become dog shit alley, which adds an almost Indiana Jones quality to any venture into the garden. Sadly, it's time to accept that the old girl won't be with us for much longer. I have thought about getting another dog but I'm not convinced it would be the best thing for her. Like any old lady (and doubly so because she's a Jack Russell), she is stubborn, bad tempered and set in her ways. Introducing a puppy (I want a creature that can be trained for once!) would not be conducive to the peace and quiet that she craves.

Lolli in her natural state...asleep!

There have been some changes on the moggie front. Our elder statesman, Po, passed away peacefully and is now buried in the garden along with the ashes of his brother Dipsy. We had a new addition to the house, in the form of Midnight. A beautiful, black stray, who was so affectionate. Sadly, she had cancer and passed a couple of months after coming to us. And so now we are down to five, with no plans to increase that number at the moment. And so the cat mafia currently consists of our elder gentleman (too much of a thug to call statesman like), Tyson. He's now at the grand old age of seventeen, but shows little sign of slowing down. He spends most of his time asleep on youngest son's bed...along with youngest son. Spitfire; small, white, puffball, is still the arch huntress, despite her sixteen years. This summer she brought me back a couple of squirrels...not what you expect to find on the dining room floor of a morning! Now, I've been wanting to try squirrel meat for a while but these two were crawling with parasites and, bearing in mind that Spitfire normally eats everything that she catches (apart from rats...she draws the line there. Far better to leave them in a strategic place so that her mistress can step on them first thing in the morning), I decided that a wheelie bin burial would be more appropriate.

Jake (AKA The Big Black Fluff Ball of Malevolence), is still a vicious c***! Since he's had the snip, he has grown massive and could probably take down an elk, if he set his mind to it. Certainly, a puny human is of little concern to this monstrosity. He's had a recent brush with the grim reaper, after crystals formed in his urinary tract and he ended up with kidney failure. A pipe up his pee hole, a prolonged stay at the vet's, drugged up to the eyeballs, and a change of diet, and he's back to his foul tempered best. Despite my warnings of potential dismemberment, his ill health led to him being utterly charming with the staff at the vet's office. They still enquire as to his well being whenever I drop in with one of the other beasties...who would have thought?

Did you ever see anything so pathetic?

Look at the size of those pupils, that's some drug cocktail! But it does make him look utterly adorable, think Puss in Boots! This is why the veterinary nurses fell in love with him...they don't know him like we do!

And then there are the twins, Isabel and Sebastian. I say twins, but they are like chalk and cheese. Sebastian is a cushion loving, snooze monster, who still hates anybody touching his head. This odd peculiarity is not easily explained. We've had him since he kitten and know that he came from a very loving home. He has never been mistreated in his short, pampered existence and yet he shies away from any form of contact with his head. I suppose, like every one else in The Monkey House, he's just an oddball!

And that brings us on to Isabel. Isabel decided to play chicken with a car and the car won! She was found by a neighbour, in the bushes by the side of the road. She was unable to move her backend and was hissing at anyone who came near her. A quick dash to the vets confirmed that she was in a very bad way. She was completely paralysed from the waist down and in considerable pain. The vet told us that if she survived, she would likely have some level of paralysis. Now, as you know dear reader, we are no strangers to disability in The Monkey House and so we decided that we were ably placed to offer her a fantastic quality of life, legs or not. On that basis, the vet sedated her and x-rayed the damage. The good news was that he couldn't see any spinal damage but that her pelvis was broken. However, the vet was dubious as to whether she would even survive the night. So we left her, unconscious and attached to various tubes, with a promise from the vet to call us with any developments. The following morning, the vet rang to say that she had made it through the night. At lunchtime, he rang up to say that she was awake and seriously pissed off! She had trashed her cage and bitten through her drips...would we like to come and pick her up...please? And so she came home, dragging her back end and pissing and shitting all over herself. And so, I became an enthusiastic watcher of YouTube videos on wheeled kitties (yes, that is a thing), an avid reader of forums for quadriplegic cats (that is also a thing) and a potential DIYer of cat wheelchairs (yup, another thing). However, after a week, it became apparent that at least one of her legs was functioning and Isabel became a tripod! Within a fortnight she could toilet herself and was getting some movement back in her gimpy leg. And so here we are, eighteen months later, and she is now skittering about like a looney. She can jump up about four feet and is an agile climber, although she much prefers to be picked up by a handy human. She has not gained full use of her wonky leg and her tail is permanently kinked but she's very much alive and kicking...especially if you scratch her neck! Her nerve damage means that she instantly kicks her wonky leg like a dog in the extremis of its pleasure...not that I do that to her often (all the time)!

Look into my eyes...you are feeling sleepy...but not sleepy enough that you can't open a tin of tuna!

And now the important people have been dealt with, let us move on to the children. Well, eldest Monkey obtained his BTEC with distinction and has now fled the nest to do his degree in business studies. His quest for pastures new has taken him thousands of yards away from home. He's moved to the big city of Truro. Not quite ready to flee that far from the nest then...This is not just a term time move, but a permanent one. He is now, officially, a grown up. It was a little strange, not having him underfoot, but as he spent most of his life attached to a screen, there has been little damage to the conversation levels...and I now look forward to cheaper electricity bills! He did come back for Christmas, but I still ended up mostly in the company of felines and foul smelling hound. Ho, ho ho!

The lesser spotted Prone Monkey, minus the surgically attached screen

Champion!

Youngest Monkey boy has had an odd year, which started with so much promise and ended in acute distress. He had been studying an NVQ in horse care at the local stables where he attended Riding for the Disabled. He was competing with RDA and swept the board in both County and Regional competitions, even winning The Challenge Cup for the best Countryside Challenge score of the year. This enabled him to compete at the National Championships in both dressage and Countryside and he did fantastically well, achieving a second and fourth respectively. But after that things went down hill when it emerged that several disturbing incidents had taken place, with Monkey Boy at the shitty end of the stick. Without going into detail, he has been left with on going mental health issues and because of the perpetrator's ongoing contact with the stables, his dreams in tatters. Possibly because of his autism, possibly because of his mental health, his love affair with horses is currently over. I'm angry. I'm angry for a variety of reasons and frustrated at the lack of support he has been given after the Social Services/Police bandwagon has gone. But perhaps this is for another post. I just hope that one day he can look back at his achievements with pride.

And so on to me...what have I been up to? Well, There's been wild swimming, celebrity encounters, hospital visits, crab fishing, foraging, decorating and a potential new business. But this post has been a little long winded and verbose, time to end. Now, dear friends, we are up to date. Let the monkey business commence!

And she's back!

After a long period of absence the Monkey lady is back! Thank you for bearing with me dear reader. I have not been a well Monkey for some period of time. Depression, like many mental health conditions, creeps up on you without you really realising that things are getting worse until, suddenly, even waking up is a chore that requires a strength of will equal to climbing Everest whilst carrying a portly Shetland pony. Still, some new pain medication for my physical problems has had a knock on effect of raising my spirits & energy levels...and so here I am, back & not defeated! The addition of some spring like weather has certainly helped! The daffodils are in bloom and my newly sown seeds are sprouting through their compost.

And so, a little catch up is required, me thinks. This is also a chance to do a little review of the past year as I have been up to so much.

There are a couple of new additions to the Monkey house; Isabel  & Sebastian. They are beautiful, tabby kittens; brother & sister. They are playful, affectionate and gentle. Perfect additions to our little home (read big, drafty hovel) and yet more evidence of Ms Monkey's inevitable decline into mad cat lady hood. These small balls of cuteness are a source of perfect amusement & comfort. Eldest son, Gee, has decided that Isabel is his...although his interest extends to a quick cuddle before shooing her in my direction. The extent of his affection does not extend to feeding or cat litter duty! Dude adores the kittens, although they do not compare to his beloved Jake (who has now gained the moniker 'The Big, Black, Fluff Ball of Malevolence, owing to his bad tempered demeanour . However, he is a little rough with them, which means that they generally avoid him where possible. They generally spend their evenings curled up on my lap. As they are now a few months old and gaining in size, although they will always be somewhat diminutive  I suspect, this is becoming a little uncomfortable. Still, they provide an additional supply of free heating in the evenings, although their interest in my knitting is a little tiresome! I won't say that the other cats have welcomed them into their midst, but a level of bemused tolerance exists, which I am more than happy with. Only poor old Po has been directly affected as he has been ousted from his seat by the radiator. He has always been a timid chap, so has been far to polite to point out their little indiscretion...he has now moved to the top of the bookcase, which now results in a shower of fluff and dander, whenever I pull out a recipe book...I think he may find that access to his post may return with the advent of sunny weather.

If that isn't an Aw moment, I don't know what is!

Dude has been having a troubled time at school lately. His autism means that everything is very black and white and this particularly applies to rules. If any of his peers commits a transgression Dude feels obliged to make a report. This has led to him being labelled a 'tell tale' and 'grass.' Subsequently, he has been on the end of some pretty nasty behaviour  Still, things are starting to move in the support area thanks to the involvement of Parent Partnership. The first multi-agency meeting (TAC) has taken place and although I am glad to see things moving along, I am still not convinced that he is going to receive appropriate support...a case of wait & see at the moment. Hmmm....

As usual, the past year has been peppered with its usual dusting of calamities. The culmination of which has been the usual festive disaster trio...first the broadband slowed to a trickle the week before Chrimbo. Not so much of an issue for me as I could still access e-mail and Amazon (I am typing this on the 3G of my phone), but for teenage son with a shiny new copy of Black Ops, it was the end of the world. Then, during the awful storms, just before chrimbo, the leak in the kitchen roof became a waterfall...but not the picturesque kind. The piece de la resistance happened on Chrimble day itself, when the oven element died half way through cooking the big feast. Grilled turkey anyone? Unfortunately I do not have the financial wherewithal to fix any of these 'little' problems at the moment...and, to add insult to injury, the tumble dryer is making wonkey noises & it's the MOT next month...hey ho!

Any old hoo...I promised you a review of the year and so here it is. In pictures...because pictures say a thousand words and with our Internet speed, it will take as long to upload a picture as type them!

There has been quite a lot of THIS this year...yes Ms Monkey has been privileged enough to see The Damned THREE times!

Warrington, May 2012

Ms Monkey has been lucky enough to make some fabulous friends via Twitter, who all share a passion for this wonderful bunch of old punks. The Twitter #damnedclub all met up in Warrington, a blisteringly cold town oop north, and shared a beer or two while enjoying the fabulous tunes and general silliness that is The Damned. As you know, Ms Monkey has a bit of a crush on Mr Vanian and it was wonderful to see that he still has it...albeit with slightly looser fitting trousers! In June the band came to Falmouth, just down the road as twere and Ms Monkey got to sit right at the front! Heaven! And in December there was Bristol, where once again #damnedclub reconvened and Ms Monkey got frostbite because of over enthusiastic air conditioning! Ms Monkey didn't get to meet Mr Vanian this year, although The Captain's private rendition of 'Happy Talk' outside the stage door at Bristol more than made up for it!

Reach out and touch me! I was that close...OK, maybe a bit of zoom.

I also got to go here twice, but sadly not for the members party, as rain stopped play...a lot of rain!

River Cottage...not under a foot of water, may it remain so!

So no Hugh this year...no celebs at all but I did get to converse with Rufus Hound, Marcus Brigstock and Mark Diacano, albeit on Twitter. And then there was the famous Usain Bolt re-tweet, which leads me onto:

Teenage son strikes the pose of 2012 (not the Mobot), later re-tweeted across the globe by Usain Bolt

Yes, great fun was had by all at WOMAD. As I spend a great deal of time in a wheelchair I found that the festival was really well thought out for the disabled visitor. It would be interesting to see how they coped with a wet, rainy year....actually, it wouldn't! May the sun always shine on WOMAD! Not going this year, I still have to pay Ms Raven and Mike back for last year's! Still, Dude enjoyed it. Which for a lad with sensory overload problems was a fantastic result. Besides, Ms Monkey discovered the wonderful Correspondents there...I would really like to see them again!

Uncle Mike and Dude up to some festival horse play

Ms Monkey also went to see ABBA this year...well, almost! Ms Monkey and Mrs McGregor went to see Bjorn Again in Falmouth....did we dress up? Of course we did! And we sang along!

There weren't many opportunities to get out and about this year, so this was definitely the year of the cocktail...quite a few were consumed!


Strawberry Daiquiri...don't mind if I do 

To finish the year off, the delightful Mr Payer popped down for a visit; to help fix a few bits on the house and to flirt outrageously with Mrs McGregor...I hasten to add that Mrs McGregor is now a 'single lady' and so no impropriety occurred.  Whilst Mr Payer was here, I had the pleasure of introducing him to the marvellous Tehidy Woods. A wood filled with some of the most beautiful trees one can imagine and Mr Payer is a child of nature...Twas like being with a child on Christmas morn!

Mr Payer communes with one of nature's giants!

And of course, Ms Monkey gave up smoking...still ciggie free five months later! Although you will have to prise my e-ciggie from my cold, dead hands! I am not ready to give up that emotional crutch just yet! And so to finish, here is a fabulous picture of hundreds of Santas parading through our local town...the boy's school did a sponsored Santa walk, as you do!

A small section of Santas...now you know how he gets to be everywhere at once!

Stoptober....final entry!!

Well....here we are a month later and Ms Monkey is still smoke free! Believe me when I say that nobody is as shocked as I have been. The last time I gave up I found myself crawling up the walls after a couple of days...and ready to disembowel my children after a week...but this time it has been easy...

My guess is that this is all down to my E-ciggie....my poor, long suffering smoking councillor has admitted defeat...bless his cotton socks. I have cracked it without the help of the NHS....Actually that is probably not a fair assessment...My counsellor's non-failing support and refusal to give me a guilt trip over my frequent lapses over the past year has been invaluable.

I am still puffing away on my e-ciggie and will no doubt continue to do so for a good while, although I shall be cutting down on the nicotine content of my e-liquid from now until chrimbo...but I am happy to do so. My problem with giving up has always been the fact that I enjoy smoking...the addiction to nicotine is more of an afterthought. Reducing my nicotine intake using the e-ciggie means that I can now crack that addiction, whilst still being able to smoke something that isn't filling my lungs with tar....although I really must get out of the habit of absent mindedly puffing away on it while pottering around the Co-op....yes, I did catch myself doing that at the weekend and had to discretely blow out the vapour when nobody was looking....luckily vapour doesn't smell.

I still find the smell of real ciggies disgusting and have to make an effort not to screw up my face when passing the 'stinking hoard' who puff away outside our local merchants...as almost all of my friends smoke, this will cause some amusement when they come to visit. To this end I have purchased a brolly, so that they can go and stand in my garden (I shall wave through the window at them).

The reason that I gave up was to save me money, and I am certainly doing that. The cost of e-liquid is stupidly cheap in comparison to ciggies and I estimate the cost to be about £2-3 per week. I therefore decided that I deserved a treat and so I have added to my collection of kitties...yes, I said kitties.

I am a cat person, although I do have a mutt, and as I have previously stated I am only one more bad relationship away from a dozen cats. However, I have, until recently, limited myself to four. but after a couple of glasses of wine a fortnight ago; a friends plea for help in re-homing some little balls of fluff on Facebook, caught my eye. The following day I was off to Prussia Cove to look at these paragons of cuteness, having already decided in my mind that I would definitely have one. I have always wanted a tabby cat. Many years ago, I had a wonderful tortoiseshell tabby, who was my constant companion. She sadly went missing one day and I never found a trace of her...since then, I have always wanted another tabby but have generally ended up with whatever came my way. Tyson is sort of Tabby, but his coat is a very smokey grey with a white undercoat...and so, I ended up with two of the little darlings! They are twins and extremely difficult to tell apart with a quick glance. Their names are Isabel and Sebastian....about as gothic as I could get away with!

Gratuitous cute kitten shot.

They are utterly adorable, friendly and playful...although they are destroying my beloved Queen of the Night plant...and the rest of the living room. They have been spending their days exploring the house and by night curled up on my lap. And if that's not a worthwhile reward for giving up smoking then I don't know what is!!!

We specialise in adorable...

Stoptober...day 9

Eww! Hideous nicotine patch dream last night! I dreamt that I was at the Tory party conference, I hadn't gone there voluntarily, I was part of a film crew making a film there...and...and...I snogged David Cameron....aaargh! Thank all that's unholy, it didn't go any further. But I did wake up with a desire to go and wash myself with bleach! Even if I didn't think the man's politics are slightly to the right of Heinrich Himmler, he is a smarmy upper class twit...I may never sleep again!!

 

Have had to bow to the inevitable and bought myself a refillable e-ciggie. I have gone for a manual (it has a button on the battery...presumably so as to preserve battery life) e-ciggie called 'the ego.' It's not the most ladylike looking of creations, but hey ho...

The 'Ego'...I have ordered the silver one...not very gothic looking is it?



I have also ordered some e-liquid, which apparently tastes like Golden Virginia...we shall see. I shall review said item when it turns up, but I went for this particular one after it was recommended to me by my dear friend and fellow #damnedclub member Agent Freestyle. Apparently this particular one produces a lot of vapour...should be a bit like smoking a cigar! But without the lung cancer and emphysema...one hopes!

 

I have ordered two different strengths of e-liquid; 18mg & 11mg...this is roughly equal to a 20 a day habit and a 10 a day habit. The 18 is probably a bit strong for me...my patches are 14mg, but my theory is that I can give up on the patches sooner rather than later. Another dream like last night's and I'll be off to the Co-op for twenty Capstan full strength!

A helpful American diagram...although it is metric...perhaps they nicked it off some Europeans?...the strengths I have gone for equate to high and mild.......ish

I suppose I ought to mention that I haven't had a single craving today. This is very different from last time...I was pulling my hair out at the same time I last tried giving up. The only difference is the use of the e-ciggies...and so, I guess, for me it seems to be working...watch this space!!! I know I'm not out of the woods yet!

Stoptober...days 6 through 8

Well...for those of you who were worrying, I haven't fallen by the wayside. I just had the weekend off from my blog so that I could catch up on some of those important jobs; such as washing school uniform, planting my winter veg and arguing with my children....I wouldn't want to be them at the moment...my temper is very close to explosive. The slightest transgression...be it real or imaginary...is likely to lead to thermonuclear war. They are walking on a knife's edge, particularly teenage son. Sadly for him, although he would deny it to all who listened, we are very alike. We even look alike...although I maintain my eyebrows so that I don't have two hairy caterpillars living on my face...I also wash more often!

Still having wild nicotine dreams...well, sometimes they're not so wild as such; last night I dreamt about taking cuttings from willow trees...what a wild and exciting life I must lead to be rewarded with dreams like that! To be honest, I found it extremely restful...my idea of a pleasant afternoon...although you would think my subconscious would allow me a night of nasty sex with Johnny Depp every now and then!

It would appear that I have yet to master the skill of just using my e-ciggie for moments of desperation. Indeed, yesterday morning was a weak morning, full stop. I found myself reaching for it at ten in the morning...watching David Cameron give an interview was probably a mistake. Every time he appears I find myself wondering how he's going to make my life more miserable this time...Perhaps I should just avoid television and newspapers for the foreseeable future...but then I would also have to avoid Twitter & Facebook...and probably the Internet in general...in fact, I could just go and live on an island somewhere...except some bloody bottle would wash up on the shore with a copy of the Daily Fail in it....

 

I did see that that 'nice' Mr Osborne plans to make another £10 billion of cuts to the welfare budget, he announced. If the question is 'how low can you go,' then it would appear that the answer is 'somewhere close to the Earth's core.'

 

Anyway, enough politics, popped to see my GP today, regarding getting some more medical evidence for my condition for when PIP replaces DLA (no, I'm not going to bang on about it in this post...but I will at some point soon!). The patient before me was obviously a heavy smoker...I felt quite ill at the smell. I do hope this doesn't mean that I'm going to be one of those obnoxious ex-smokers who tuts around smokers about how offensive it is...who coughs exaggeratedly when anyone lights up...somehow I can't see any of my dear friends allowing that to happen...either that or they will just tell me to piss off!

Stoptober...day 5

Weird, nicotine fuelled dreams last night included...some bizarre guerrilla gardening in some pensioner's garden. They weren't very appreciative and called the police. But the weirdest one was when I stopped to help a chav who had broken down in his lad mobile and the AA turned up and stole my car. They then reversed it up the main road, through a cardboard box, through a tent and through a plate glass window....why there was a tent in the middle of the road, I have no idea!

 

Smoking clinic today. Even though I have been good, regarding my smoking, I still feel guilty because of the e-ciggie. E-ciggies are not recommended as part of a smoking cessation program, apparently, although I didn't get the telling off I was expecting!

 

I arrived at my session only to be met with the stench of stale tobacco, apparently the appointment before me had not had the same success at quitting...it would appear that my sense of smell is returning with a vengeance...nice to know that I stank like that! Now I just smell of dog and Estee Lauder...I'd rather not smell of dog but she does have one of those smells that seems to have a life force all of its own! Sadly, it also means that all of those times I went into my smoking sessions pretending that I hadn't had a ciggie that morning, must've been a source of amusement to my counsellor, as I must've stunk like a stale bonfire...oh well. Have to say I do find my nose being distracted when I walk past the smokers at the local Co-op...I find myself taking extra deep breaths, trying to suck in that intoxicating smoke...NO!! No smoking fantasies allowed!

 

Anyway, I confessed my use of the e-ciggie, and the reaction was better than I had hoped. Indeed, my counsellor spoke of a time when he could see e-ciggies being used on prescription by the NHS...if indeed there is an NHS still left by then! The problem with them is that there have been no peer reviewed, clinical studies into their effects; be they positive or negative. The ciggies use a propellant that could cause lung problems, however, it is the same propellant used in asthma inhalers, so that may be a mute point! One of the other problems is that they do not provide a measured dose of nicotine. Again, cartridges are now sold with set amounts of nicotine...including nicotine free...as we discussed this, I could sense his confidence in his negative arguments fading...and so I pulled the coup de grace..."I think I might become addicted to these..."

 

We then discussed how I should use the e-ciggie as a safety net only. To be used only when I would otherwise knock one of the boys into the middle of next week for chipping a mug or putting the casserole dishes away, without stacking them according to size, for example. And then only to be used outside, in the howling wind and rain; to make it as inconvenient as possible. I think this is a fine idea and I will start implementing it as soon as possible. Maybe tomorrow...or the day after!