And she's back!

After a long period of absence the Monkey lady is back! Thank you for bearing with me dear reader. I have not been a well Monkey for some period of time. Depression, like many mental health conditions, creeps up on you without you really realising that things are getting worse until, suddenly, even waking up is a chore that requires a strength of will equal to climbing Everest whilst carrying a portly Shetland pony. Still, some new pain medication for my physical problems has had a knock on effect of raising my spirits & energy levels...and so here I am, back & not defeated! The addition of some spring like weather has certainly helped! The daffodils are in bloom and my newly sown seeds are sprouting through their compost.

And so, a little catch up is required, me thinks. This is also a chance to do a little review of the past year as I have been up to so much.

There are a couple of new additions to the Monkey house; Isabel  & Sebastian. They are beautiful, tabby kittens; brother & sister. They are playful, affectionate and gentle. Perfect additions to our little home (read big, drafty hovel) and yet more evidence of Ms Monkey's inevitable decline into mad cat lady hood. These small balls of cuteness are a source of perfect amusement & comfort. Eldest son, Gee, has decided that Isabel is his...although his interest extends to a quick cuddle before shooing her in my direction. The extent of his affection does not extend to feeding or cat litter duty! Dude adores the kittens, although they do not compare to his beloved Jake (who has now gained the moniker 'The Big, Black, Fluff Ball of Malevolence, owing to his bad tempered demeanour . However, he is a little rough with them, which means that they generally avoid him where possible. They generally spend their evenings curled up on my lap. As they are now a few months old and gaining in size, although they will always be somewhat diminutive  I suspect, this is becoming a little uncomfortable. Still, they provide an additional supply of free heating in the evenings, although their interest in my knitting is a little tiresome! I won't say that the other cats have welcomed them into their midst, but a level of bemused tolerance exists, which I am more than happy with. Only poor old Po has been directly affected as he has been ousted from his seat by the radiator. He has always been a timid chap, so has been far to polite to point out their little indiscretion...he has now moved to the top of the bookcase, which now results in a shower of fluff and dander, whenever I pull out a recipe book...I think he may find that access to his post may return with the advent of sunny weather.

If that isn't an Aw moment, I don't know what is!

Dude has been having a troubled time at school lately. His autism means that everything is very black and white and this particularly applies to rules. If any of his peers commits a transgression Dude feels obliged to make a report. This has led to him being labelled a 'tell tale' and 'grass.' Subsequently, he has been on the end of some pretty nasty behaviour  Still, things are starting to move in the support area thanks to the involvement of Parent Partnership. The first multi-agency meeting (TAC) has taken place and although I am glad to see things moving along, I am still not convinced that he is going to receive appropriate support...a case of wait & see at the moment. Hmmm....

As usual, the past year has been peppered with its usual dusting of calamities. The culmination of which has been the usual festive disaster trio...first the broadband slowed to a trickle the week before Chrimbo. Not so much of an issue for me as I could still access e-mail and Amazon (I am typing this on the 3G of my phone), but for teenage son with a shiny new copy of Black Ops, it was the end of the world. Then, during the awful storms, just before chrimbo, the leak in the kitchen roof became a waterfall...but not the picturesque kind. The piece de la resistance happened on Chrimble day itself, when the oven element died half way through cooking the big feast. Grilled turkey anyone? Unfortunately I do not have the financial wherewithal to fix any of these 'little' problems at the moment...and, to add insult to injury, the tumble dryer is making wonkey noises & it's the MOT next month...hey ho!

Any old hoo...I promised you a review of the year and so here it is. In pictures...because pictures say a thousand words and with our Internet speed, it will take as long to upload a picture as type them!

There has been quite a lot of THIS this year...yes Ms Monkey has been privileged enough to see The Damned THREE times!

Warrington, May 2012

Ms Monkey has been lucky enough to make some fabulous friends via Twitter, who all share a passion for this wonderful bunch of old punks. The Twitter #damnedclub all met up in Warrington, a blisteringly cold town oop north, and shared a beer or two while enjoying the fabulous tunes and general silliness that is The Damned. As you know, Ms Monkey has a bit of a crush on Mr Vanian and it was wonderful to see that he still has it...albeit with slightly looser fitting trousers! In June the band came to Falmouth, just down the road as twere and Ms Monkey got to sit right at the front! Heaven! And in December there was Bristol, where once again #damnedclub reconvened and Ms Monkey got frostbite because of over enthusiastic air conditioning! Ms Monkey didn't get to meet Mr Vanian this year, although The Captain's private rendition of 'Happy Talk' outside the stage door at Bristol more than made up for it!

Reach out and touch me! I was that close...OK, maybe a bit of zoom.

I also got to go here twice, but sadly not for the members party, as rain stopped play...a lot of rain!

River Cottage...not under a foot of water, may it remain so!

So no Hugh this year...no celebs at all but I did get to converse with Rufus Hound, Marcus Brigstock and Mark Diacano, albeit on Twitter. And then there was the famous Usain Bolt re-tweet, which leads me onto:

Teenage son strikes the pose of 2012 (not the Mobot), later re-tweeted across the globe by Usain Bolt

Yes, great fun was had by all at WOMAD. As I spend a great deal of time in a wheelchair I found that the festival was really well thought out for the disabled visitor. It would be interesting to see how they coped with a wet, rainy year....actually, it wouldn't! May the sun always shine on WOMAD! Not going this year, I still have to pay Ms Raven and Mike back for last year's! Still, Dude enjoyed it. Which for a lad with sensory overload problems was a fantastic result. Besides, Ms Monkey discovered the wonderful Correspondents there...I would really like to see them again!

Uncle Mike and Dude up to some festival horse play

Ms Monkey also went to see ABBA this year...well, almost! Ms Monkey and Mrs McGregor went to see Bjorn Again in Falmouth....did we dress up? Of course we did! And we sang along!

There weren't many opportunities to get out and about this year, so this was definitely the year of the cocktail...quite a few were consumed!


Strawberry Daiquiri...don't mind if I do 

To finish the year off, the delightful Mr Payer popped down for a visit; to help fix a few bits on the house and to flirt outrageously with Mrs McGregor...I hasten to add that Mrs McGregor is now a 'single lady' and so no impropriety occurred.  Whilst Mr Payer was here, I had the pleasure of introducing him to the marvellous Tehidy Woods. A wood filled with some of the most beautiful trees one can imagine and Mr Payer is a child of nature...Twas like being with a child on Christmas morn!

Mr Payer communes with one of nature's giants!

And of course, Ms Monkey gave up smoking...still ciggie free five months later! Although you will have to prise my e-ciggie from my cold, dead hands! I am not ready to give up that emotional crutch just yet! And so to finish, here is a fabulous picture of hundreds of Santas parading through our local town...the boy's school did a sponsored Santa walk, as you do!

A small section of Santas...now you know how he gets to be everywhere at once!

Stoptober...day 9

Eww! Hideous nicotine patch dream last night! I dreamt that I was at the Tory party conference, I hadn't gone there voluntarily, I was part of a film crew making a film there...and...and...I snogged David Cameron....aaargh! Thank all that's unholy, it didn't go any further. But I did wake up with a desire to go and wash myself with bleach! Even if I didn't think the man's politics are slightly to the right of Heinrich Himmler, he is a smarmy upper class twit...I may never sleep again!!

 

Have had to bow to the inevitable and bought myself a refillable e-ciggie. I have gone for a manual (it has a button on the battery...presumably so as to preserve battery life) e-ciggie called 'the ego.' It's not the most ladylike looking of creations, but hey ho...

The 'Ego'...I have ordered the silver one...not very gothic looking is it?



I have also ordered some e-liquid, which apparently tastes like Golden Virginia...we shall see. I shall review said item when it turns up, but I went for this particular one after it was recommended to me by my dear friend and fellow #damnedclub member Agent Freestyle. Apparently this particular one produces a lot of vapour...should be a bit like smoking a cigar! But without the lung cancer and emphysema...one hopes!

 

I have ordered two different strengths of e-liquid; 18mg & 11mg...this is roughly equal to a 20 a day habit and a 10 a day habit. The 18 is probably a bit strong for me...my patches are 14mg, but my theory is that I can give up on the patches sooner rather than later. Another dream like last night's and I'll be off to the Co-op for twenty Capstan full strength!

A helpful American diagram...although it is metric...perhaps they nicked it off some Europeans?...the strengths I have gone for equate to high and mild.......ish

I suppose I ought to mention that I haven't had a single craving today. This is very different from last time...I was pulling my hair out at the same time I last tried giving up. The only difference is the use of the e-ciggies...and so, I guess, for me it seems to be working...watch this space!!! I know I'm not out of the woods yet!

Stoptober...day 5

Weird, nicotine fuelled dreams last night included...some bizarre guerrilla gardening in some pensioner's garden. They weren't very appreciative and called the police. But the weirdest one was when I stopped to help a chav who had broken down in his lad mobile and the AA turned up and stole my car. They then reversed it up the main road, through a cardboard box, through a tent and through a plate glass window....why there was a tent in the middle of the road, I have no idea!

 

Smoking clinic today. Even though I have been good, regarding my smoking, I still feel guilty because of the e-ciggie. E-ciggies are not recommended as part of a smoking cessation program, apparently, although I didn't get the telling off I was expecting!

 

I arrived at my session only to be met with the stench of stale tobacco, apparently the appointment before me had not had the same success at quitting...it would appear that my sense of smell is returning with a vengeance...nice to know that I stank like that! Now I just smell of dog and Estee Lauder...I'd rather not smell of dog but she does have one of those smells that seems to have a life force all of its own! Sadly, it also means that all of those times I went into my smoking sessions pretending that I hadn't had a ciggie that morning, must've been a source of amusement to my counsellor, as I must've stunk like a stale bonfire...oh well. Have to say I do find my nose being distracted when I walk past the smokers at the local Co-op...I find myself taking extra deep breaths, trying to suck in that intoxicating smoke...NO!! No smoking fantasies allowed!

 

Anyway, I confessed my use of the e-ciggie, and the reaction was better than I had hoped. Indeed, my counsellor spoke of a time when he could see e-ciggies being used on prescription by the NHS...if indeed there is an NHS still left by then! The problem with them is that there have been no peer reviewed, clinical studies into their effects; be they positive or negative. The ciggies use a propellant that could cause lung problems, however, it is the same propellant used in asthma inhalers, so that may be a mute point! One of the other problems is that they do not provide a measured dose of nicotine. Again, cartridges are now sold with set amounts of nicotine...including nicotine free...as we discussed this, I could sense his confidence in his negative arguments fading...and so I pulled the coup de grace..."I think I might become addicted to these..."

 

We then discussed how I should use the e-ciggie as a safety net only. To be used only when I would otherwise knock one of the boys into the middle of next week for chipping a mug or putting the casserole dishes away, without stacking them according to size, for example. And then only to be used outside, in the howling wind and rain; to make it as inconvenient as possible. I think this is a fine idea and I will start implementing it as soon as possible. Maybe tomorrow...or the day after!

Stoptober...day 4

Is it only day four? I'm in the danger zone now...for the next two weeks I have to guard against complacency. The first hurdle is giving up for those first few days, saying no to all those cravings...now, I have to guard against those thoughts that say things like 'well done you..that wasn't so hard...you can give up any time...why don't you just have one to prove it?' And that would be a slippery slope to ruin....but sooo easy at this point...

No nicotine fuelled dreams to report...I'm sure there was one but I had to hit the floor running as teenage son woke me at six to tell me he had a migraine...and so, I have had company today. And so my day has been spent vegging in front of the telly, watching Alien films. Distinct lack of cravings and naughty tempting thoughts this morning...but I finished my e-ciggie! This is disappointing, I was hoping it would last a little longer. The packet says that it is the equivalent of 30 ciggies...however, money wise, it does not equate to my normal smoking habit. I normally spent £7 per week on tobacco, which does not equate to £6 every three days on the e-ciggie...it would seem that I need to restrict my use of this technological marvel...I think that a re-chargeable one may be the way forward...and possibly look at nicotine free cartridges...it's all very confusing! Plus, I don't have a great deal of money to play with...

Smoking clinic in the morning...not sure how much of a lecture I'm going to get about the e-ciggie...oh well!

Stoptober diary...day 3

Day 3.

 

Strange nicotine fuelled dream last night involved marrying my ex-partner (vomits) and flying to the Caribbean in a light plane that had to make a forced landing in the ocean. The pilot then drove the plane up a street and took off again...I'm assuming this is my sub-conscious telling me that my last relationship was a plane crash....YES! I FECKING WELL KNOW THAT!!

 

Finding everything a bit of a chore today...unable to find any enthusiasm for anything and am finding myself watching day time television; the sure fire way to brain entropy...A few cravings today but nothing major. The biggest problem is the way thoughts keep popping into my head...'I'll just have a ciggie before I do that...'...'Ooh...a ciggie would be nice' This is the biggest problem...these thoughts just pop in there and are difficult to dismiss. Annoying little mind worms!!

 

Today has been doubly stressful as I have had to go to the docs to get my coil changed...But Ms Monkey, I hear you cry, you are a spinster! Why put yourself through such manoeuvres? I did ask myself that for several hours this morning...nothing quite like having a piece of sharp plastic rammed up your cervix, without pain relief, to put the necessity of contraception into sharp perspective. However, what sold it to me in the end, was the thought of no more periods for the rest of my life...at my age 'the change' is just around the corner and so five minutes of discomfort for another eight years lacking hormonal roller coaster rides and monthly 'builders visits' suits me just fine, thank you very much! And so, I was a little early puffing away at the old e-ciggie today, but I have successfully resisted the temptation to puff on a real one...that feeling of smugness is back!

 

As the addition of the e-ciggie to my arsenal was a last minute thought, I didn't shop around but bought a disposable one from the local co-op. It's very good...although I have little to compare to...however, today I decided to buy another one...just in case this one runs out! This one is going strong...but best to be prepared! I have no idea how long it will last, but if I end up getting through one a week, I may have to consider a rechargeable one. I have done a little research, and they seem to come in a variety of colours, although this one looks like a real ciggie...apart from the glowing blue light on the end. I do quite like the idea of the 'matt black' e-ciggie, very goth! They also come in a variety of flavours, including 'branded' flavours, such as; Old Holborn or Camel...I am a little dubious as to whether these flavours will translate accurately, but there are also interesting flavours such as strawberry, chocolate & whiskey...who would've thought? One can also vary the amount of nicotine one intakes, from 35mg to 0. They've certainly come on a long way since their dodgy Chinese origins...Although, I would recommend that you only purchase them from a reputable UK seller! I shall write more on this subject as the days progress...

Stoptober diary...day 2

Day 2:

 

Last night's nicotine fuelled dream involved running off and becoming a cowboy...I wasn't a very good one, rustlers stole the panda....yes, I said panda.

 

I have woken up with a throat that feels like it has been sandpapered...I think I may have been a little over enthusiastic with the e-ciggie yesterday. I shall have to resolve to save it for those moments of total desperation. I feel as if my cold has come back, as all of the phlegm loosens up. My nose is running and I feel the urge to cough up big lumps of ...well, nasty.

 

This morning seems a little easier. Today, I feel a little smug that I have made it through 24 hours without a smoke. The cravings are not as strong and they're not popping into my head every five minutes....just every fifteen!

 

By lunch time, I have really had enough of the chewing gum...it is starting to leave an unpleasant taste in my mouth and my jaws are starting to ache. I make it until two o'clock before I have a puff on the old e-ciggie...it makes me cough...I take this as a good sign!

 

Feeling stressed by about 4pm, it feels like my lungs are screaming for a ciggie...my brain takes my lungs aside and tells them to stop being such a pussy...when that fails, it administers a slap and tells them that they are just going to have to make do with the e-ciggie as we are not even contemplating failure, especially at less than 48 hours tobacco free!

Evenings are normally a weak time; there is nothing so pleasurable as a cigarette after a meal. And so I disappear to my room, praying that the children won't pop in to see me and chatter about some inanity...I might just bite their heads off. I shall, therefore, be puffing like Ivor the engine on the old e-ciggie tonight!

Stoptober diary

And so, dear friends, Ms Monkey has decided to give up the fags. It's not the first time I have tried to quit the noxious weed, I made just shy of two weeks last time and then spent six months just smoking two or three a day. But, inevitably that crept up and I found myself puffing away on about fifteen a day....still an improvement on the forty a day habit I used to have but not tobacco free.

Now, I enjoy smoking. I love the sensation of the cool smoke as it draws down my throat and I like the flavour. It is the perfect accompaniment to a pint and a wonderful treat after a meal. However, it's also killing me and I have no desire to die...goth or no, death does not become this Monkey! Besides, I have little enough energy with my depression, that little energy I do have I want to utilize to the maximum. There are also the matters of nagging sore throats, chesty coughs, stinking like smelly old ashtray. Don't even get me started on the cost...

I WANT TO RETAKE CONTROL!!!!

And so I have decided that enough is enough and today is the day. And so, I shall endeavour to write a little something; a quitters diary if you will, to share my experiences and, hopefully, motivate me NOT to relapse and give in to temptation. Misery loves company dear reader...

I am using a combination of methods...I am that weak willed...a 24 hour nicotine patch, quick mist inhaler and electronic cigarette. My electronic ciggie has died...not a good start! The patch feeds you a constant stream of nicotine over the day, supposedly relieving the cravings....supposedly. However, the glue isn't the strongest and they have a tendency to fall off. They also have a tendency to irritate my skin and I am left with a wonderful chequerboard effect on my legs. One interesting side effect of them is to make you sleep lighter, giving you the most wonderful, vivid dreams.

 

Quick mist gives an instant hit and is much better at relieving those annoying cravings...it does, however, taste like peppermint battery acid...I pop a bit of chewing gum in at the same time to suppress the need to spit it out...another problem is that if you swallow too quickly after squirting you get a spectacular fit of hiccoughing. Have to admit that by about three in the afternoon I have had enough mint to last me a life time...

The electronic cigarette is not recommended for those giving up...according to my long suffering smoking counsellor, it is not advised because of the variable amount of nicotine it delivers...and, initially, because a lot of them were dodgy Chinese imports with no controls. Things have changed now and you can buy them at the local supermarket. You can also buy nicotine free ones...mine isn't! They work by providing a smoking sensation and releasing clouds of water vapour...now these really do satisfy that smoking craving...one only needs a couple of puffs to get a sense of release...of course, a time will come when I have to wean myself off these little blighters....but I'm not going to worry about that for a while!

Day 1:

 

I awake and instantly think about smoking...not a normal early morning thought...but today is the day. I try to spend the day in bed...I haven't smoked in my bedroom for years, nor do I have any cravings while I am asleep. However, an argument breaks out between sons as to who is wearing whose school trousers interrupts my pleasant slumber and I am forced to get up...

As I make a cup of tea and blearily try to feed the cats, I am thinking how one little roll up wouldn't hurt...I am strong and retreat to the living room with my cup of tea. All day, I think of smoking constantly...my electronic cigarette refuses to charge, which does my temper no good. By lunch time I have a chesty cough as all that tar starts to loosen up...I resist the unladylike urge to spit large grollys into the sink. I can smell more than I could yesterday....my dog smells...no, she stinks...by lunchtime I am in the car and off to the co-op to buy an e cigarette...I make it till 4pm before using it...I can't face anymore quickmist, its left a minty corpse like flavour in my mouth...my cough disappears and the e ciggie has a bonus of relieving the cravings post evening meal...but I now have a sore throat...

 

I am going to have an early night, once those teeth are clean, the cravings will stop and I can sleep like a baby...tomorrow, Scarlet, is another day!